Dancing with Hurry and Failure
How to dance with impatient low self-efficacy.
The moment:
The world is ending and you are failing.
This is the moment where you sense the ultimate meaninglessness of work and at the same time the pressure that says, "HURRY UP!", "GO FASTER". You run but also know in your gut there is no winning. The end feels impending but there is no hope to finish well.
The monster:
You are dancing with impatient low self-efficacy.
Impatience = the press around us
At the core, this monster rides the wave of our culture's need for hurry. The culture and in connection this monster entices you to prove that you are good enough. We end up feeling rushed to driver something that proves our quality. This is the impatience of our society and the trend of adult life.
Low self-efficacy = failure before beginning
The press of work teaches us a couple unfortunate lessons. Failure to prove your worth happens more often than we like. There is no end to the list of expectations to prove our worth.
The end result? We feel like we’ve failed even before we’ve begun.
The dance:
Go shape wood.
I had to learn this lesson years ago as a struggling therapist. In my profession, my effort only exists in the darkest moments of my client's lives. They come broken and you only have 60 minutes to ensure they do not drown. Over time, I noticed a pattern, NO ONE schedules a session to share the good news. My clients simply disappeared when things got better.
I was in the rush to fix a crisis, but I never got a chance to feel validated by my work.
I learned that I needed an outlet to let me see positive results for once. I began building coffee tables in my garage on the weekends. Every time I cut a plank, it was the exact length I wanted. When I sanded down a table, over time it created the exact smoothness that I wanted.
Working with wood gave a sense of progression, achievement and control.
I am not saying you need to specifically build coffee tables but you need a way to decompress.
Dance steps:
Step 1: Find something that you wouldn't mind learning
Step 2: Ensure there are no stakes involved, meaning you lose nothing if you fail at it or drop it.
Step 3: Find the time to allow yourself to engage this new activity
“People who believe they have the power to exercise some measure of control over their lives are healthier, more effective, and more successful than those who lack faith in their ability to effect changes in their lives.” - Albert Bandura, Psychologist
FYI. I am putting together a post and worksheet on how to make decisions like this and how to find the time to implement those new decisions.